More than saying I love you—Part 1

Over the summer, I read several interesting books, some fictions, others self-help.  There’s one book I’d like to recommend to all parents.  That is “More than saying I love you: 4 powerful steps that help children love themselves” by Andrea Goodman Weiner.  It’s a short book talking about the importance of self-love and how parents can help their children achieve that.  There is a review of every chapter in a bullet point format so you can refresh your memory after you finish a chapter.  She also provides easy, practical, and fun activities for parents to do with their children.

But, what is self-love and why do we need it?  Self-love is the acceptance and understanding of one’s own attributes and faults at the current moment.  It’s a non judgmental way of looking at yourself, recognizing and accepting all your goods and bads.  It’s happening right at this moment, not sometime later.  There is no “when I get straight A this year, I will be loved”.  It’s more like “I know math is hard for me right now but I’m pretty good with social studies.  I could spend a little more time on math to make it better.”  Self-love is not being self-centered or teaching children have a sense of entitlement.  It’s not about teaching children to think that they are better than others and deserve special treatment from other people.  Self-love is to treat yourself with loving kindness and with that, to treat other people with the same loving kindness, like what Confucius said, “Do unto others what you want done unto you.”

A person with self-love is a person with confidence and kindness.  You take real stock of yourself, not an over critical one or an exaggerated estimate of your ability.  When you can do that, you won’t spend time on beating yourself up or complaining why others don’t see your potential.  Instead, you can enjoy your life and work on things that you need to work on.  This is the greatest gift you can give to your child.  It will shield her from the unwanted judgment and self-doubt.  It will give her the inner strength that she can draw on for the rest of her life.  It will give her the ability to love others.  In the next blog post, I will share two of the fun activities from this book.