Reward or Bribery?

One day at the swimming pool, I got to talk to one of the parents whose child was in Dana’s swim class.  She complimented how focused and motivated Dana was in swim lesson.  Then she said that she was pushing her son to pass the level testing.  She said that in response, he asked her “are you going to give me something if I pass the test?”  This reminds me what happened when Dana took piano lesson….

 

Dana has been quite in tune with music melody and rhythm.  When she was 6 years old, I signed her up for keyboard/piano lesson at the community center.  When it was time for her to practice, it was a torture for both of us.  She didn’t want to practice (for 10 minutes) and I didn’t have the patience for it.  So I told her, “If you don’t want to practice, let’s finish these 8 sessions that I paid for, then you can quit.”  At the end of the 8 sessions, she quitted happily and I never mentioned it again.  A year later, she came to me and said, “Mom, I really want to learn how to draw like a real artist.”  I signed her up at an art studio and she’s been there since.  She practices sketching and color blending at home without me asking her to.  Every time I picked her up from the art class, she’s as happy as can be.  On the other hand, Kate, our 7-year-old, has been taking piano lesson for over a year now.  From this, my husband and I learned that if our girls are interested in something, they will practice on their own without being forced.  This has since become our philosophy regarding extracurricular activities: if our child is interested in learning something, we will support her but she needs to do her part.  Otherwise, we can save the money (and the nagging) for something else.

 

When the girls were young, I did use the reward and sticker system for potty training and brushing teeth.  I understood the perils of a reward system.  It has the disadvantage of getting children accustomed to external incentives and lose internal satisfaction for accomplish an achievement.  That’s why we used it sporadically and never made it a routine in our life.  When the girls reached school age, we completely abandoned the reward system and use limited choices and natural consequences instead.

Consuming or Creating

Before I had kids, I used to teach young children with special needs.  My job was to use different toys (home made or store bought) to teach them different cognitive concepts.  When I was in graduate school, I even wrote an article on how a specific toy teaches multiple concepts/skills to children.  Therefore, after I have children, I thought about toys a lot, especially when they were young.  At that time, I often felt that if I buy that toy, it would teach them this or they could play with it so I can have a little break.

One day, when Dana was 2, she was playing with the paper doll Maisy and the book that comes with it.  She wished that she could have all the Maisy’s pals (Tallulah, Cyril) to play with.  My mom and I then set to work, drawing, cutting, and making the moving hands and feet for the characters.  Dana was in charge of coloring.  We made those two characters and several of their outfits.  They were as good as store bought ones (if the store actually sells them) and we all had a great time.

This year, when Halloween came, the girls made their own costumes.  Dana and her best friend used garbage bags and duck tape to make dresses while Kate used my old cape, cardboard, and face paint to dress up as the grim reaper.  When they were younger, they also dressed up as Belle (as in Disney’s Beauty and the Beast) and Gypsy with the clothes and materials they found at home.  All these experiences not only contribute their sense of achievement and fuel their creativity, they also save us money and reduce waste in the long run.