Many parents arrange different activities for their kids after school; music lessons, sports, art classes, tutoring sessions in math or writing, etc. For our girls, we told them that they could only pick two things that they want to learn during a certain period of time. If they are no longer interested in a particular activity, they can drop it and find another one to start. The reason that we limit the activities to two per person is not because we cannot afford to let them participate in more activities, but because we want them to know that sometimes resources are limited and they need to make choices.
Growing up in a culture where individual choices are often frowned upon, my husband and I value the freedom of choice. We believe that having choices facilitates the sense of responsibility. Children cannot assign the blame to others when they fail, since it was their own choice. That said, it doesn’t mean that we let our kids run their own life and decide on everything. We exercise a principle called limited choices. That is, when they make a choice, they have to do it among the options that we provide. If they want to participate in an activity, we might tell them “no” or ask them to wait a few more years because of their age. In addition, they still need to do their homework, tidy up their room and share household chores (unpaid). They can choose when to do it but not whether to do it.
It doesn’t matter how old or young your child is, and under what kind of circumstances. You can always create options for your child to choose from. When she is required to make a choice, she learns how to evaluate different options and to weigh the pros and cons for those options. She learns to live with the consequence from her choice, and learns how to make a better decision next time. Do not arrange everything for your child. Give him a chance to consider what he really wants or decides what he does not want. He will gain confidence in himself from these experiences and that confidence is not something you can achieve with just praises.
